6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
