Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
