I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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