What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
NoShamevember. You game?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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