i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
