My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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