how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
