no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
