So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Randomize
