I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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