please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Are we still banned from the library?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Randomize
