I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Green mimosas i think yes
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
