Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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