I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
