perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How does one acquire holy water?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
