i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
