My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
This house was built for laser tag.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
