And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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