I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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