You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
