the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i've created a new STD.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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