She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
