i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
