Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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