you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My ass is underappreciated
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
