I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Are we still banned from the library?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize