peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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