me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
