if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
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All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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