So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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