I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
