Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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