It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
