The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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