8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
