Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
