I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
