fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
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I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
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you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."