he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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