Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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