I want to walk on stilts...naked
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.