Texts From Last Night

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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?

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  (515): Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out? http://tfl.nu/ragd
  Replies (48) Good night (1015) Bad night (2074)
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  (925): View more from California

  Should I have kids to fix a relationship??

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  (925): Should I have kids to fix a relationship?? http://tfl.nu/aeth
  Replies (56) Good night (682) Bad night (8784)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on

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  (847): cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on http://tfl.nu/ommd
  Replies (31) Good night (4127) Bad night (1537)
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  (347): View more from New York

  when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign

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  (347): when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign http://tfl.nu/d21d
  Replies (22) Good night (2915) Bad night (1522)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.

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  (618): My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma. http://tfl.nu/chfg
  Replies (13) Good night (3837) Bad night (1056)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?

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  (601): Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time? http://tfl.nu/q1z9
  Replies (7) Good night (2420) Bad night (928)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..

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  (608): On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me.. http://tfl.nu/zeud
  Replies (1) Good night (1948) Bad night (650)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409

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  (501): And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409 http://tfl.nu/uewi
  Replies (4) Good night (600) Bad night (1255)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.

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  (970): bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog. http://tfl.nu/rc38
  Replies (5) Good night (1739) Bad night (480)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.

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  (416): He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead. http://tfl.nu/aau2
  Replies (6) Good night (594) Bad night (726)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.

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  (336): You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that. http://tfl.nu/r9t5
  Replies (7) Good night (637) Bad night (434)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.

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  (519): People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style. http://tfl.nu/g3nw
  Replies (3) Good night (1213) Bad night (403)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.

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  (803): He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple. http://tfl.nu/4atf
  Replies (2) Good night (1230) Bad night (323)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater

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  (508): This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater http://tfl.nu/18xa
  Replies (1) Good night (280) Bad night (531)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.

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  (804): My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst. http://tfl.nu/b8sh
  Replies (4) Good night (771) Bad night (233)

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