Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.

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  (703): Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally. http://tfl.nu/lv6m
  Replies (17) Good night (757) Bad night (1443)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.

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  (203): I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do. http://tfl.nu/muw0
  Replies (16) Good night (3343) Bad night (899)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..

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  (201): its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin.. http://tfl.nu/g7eu
  Replies (30) Good night (1029) Bad night (8653)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.

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  (502): i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower. http://tfl.nu/fhy8
  Replies (8) Good night (755) Bad night (3849)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.

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  (401): she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch! (508): because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking. http://tfl.nu/qlq5
  Replies (20) Good night (9339) Bad night (1472)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.

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  (401): I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard. http://tfl.nu/cjsq
  Replies (9) Good night (2869) Bad night (947)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.

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  (631): I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight. http://tfl.nu/8jy4
  Replies (5) Good night (1700) Bad night (1066)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.

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  (303): So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay. http://tfl.nu/vqqs
  Replies (8) Good night (1852) Bad night (747)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards

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  (630): And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards http://tfl.nu/vn30
  Replies (2) Good night (1418) Bad night (487)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.

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  (757): All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude. http://tfl.nu/k2dr
  Replies (4) Good night (1554) Bad night (579)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."

  (1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?

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  (780): In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared." (1-780): Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout? http://tfl.nu/ziqx
  Replies (2) Good night (945) Bad night (398)
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  (949): View more from California

  YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!

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  (949): YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER! http://tfl.nu/b6lu
  Replies (3) Good night (713) Bad night (589)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts

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  (716): I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts http://tfl.nu/te6p
  Replies (4) Good night (351) Bad night (591)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

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  (210): Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer? http://tfl.nu/xmws
  Replies (1) Good night (605) Bad night (366)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.

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  (740): Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people. http://tfl.nu/9aw0
  Replies (6) Good night (704) Bad night (334)

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