Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect