Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I CAN MOONWALK!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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