watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
