Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
