i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
