If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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