from now on my penis is your penis
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
