do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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