HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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