You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
