I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In other news, I just burned my penis
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
