apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
