I should be sponsored by Trojan
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
