There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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