i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
