This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
