woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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