i would punch a child for taco bell
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
