Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
