Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
