Only a mothe r could love this liver
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Randomize
