you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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