come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There's always time for handjobs
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
