so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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