I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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