he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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