I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
