Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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