Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
