I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
