I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize