I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
