I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
