Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
