Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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