dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
