Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
